Movies inspired by Marvel and DC Comics characters create a series of 2.5-hour immersions into worlds of fantasy. Through our 3-D glasses, we connect with Iron Man. When he shrugs off explosions to thwart the evil intentions of the villain de jour, we feel the jolt. Even when we don the cape of the tragically flawed (but well-intentioned) Batman, we feel the exhilarating rush of having just enough superhuman ability to win the day. For 2.5hrs (not including trailers), the answer to the “where have all the good men gone” question is satisfyingly obvious.
WE are the “good men;” and we’re going wherever we’re needed most.
DC Comics just turned this “where have all the good men gone question” on its head in a wonderfully satisfying twist with the release of Wonder Woman. I would love to extol the virtues of a woman who transcends the stereotypical damsel in distress, is a compassionate yet powerful role model, and manages to captivate us with charisma rather than witty one-liners. Instead, I have to turn the soapbox over to Steelcharmer. He won’t give us exclusive access to his lunch with President Trump next week if I don’t share his letter about the dangers of movies like Wonder Woman first.
A bit about Steelcharmer
As a warning introduction, Monica detests Steelcharmer. In many ways, Steelcharmer is my antithesis. I spend my days as a humble house husband, catching up on Orange is the New Black, and occasionally sneaking away to hike in the woods. Basically, I’m doing my best to make the world a better place, one dirty dish at a time. Steelcharmer, on the other hand, is too busy clawing his way into the executive ranks of Uber to watch TV, but when he does, its Mad Men reruns or Fox & Friends. If I had to guess, I would say he wishes for a return to “better days.” Better days when the lines between Us and Them were clearer, and the advantages for Us were easier to hold on to.
Steelcharmer and I also approach relationships very differently. I have found a partner and teammate in Monica. We celebrate our victories together, and she is strong for both of us when I can’t be. Steelcharmer is the kind of guy that cycles through a dizzying array of relationships, ending them before he must confront the fact that he annoys the crap out of them.
I certainly understand if you want to skip Steelcharmer’s letter. For those of you that do read, I applaud your open-mindedness (and your tolerance). There might be a treat at the end to wash the bitter taste from our mouths.
An Open Letter from Steelcharmer
I apologize in advance for reaching out to you through this unlikely forum. However, as you already know, our normal lines of communication are tied up combatting Fake News. The crew that normally handles these issues is busy spinning the details of our partnership with Russia until the world is ready to accept the truth, and excluding the unhealthy from our health care system. So, it’s up to me to spread the word.
We need to address the Wonder Woman Issue.
If you still want your dinner ready on time, those of you liberal-minded men who expose your women to the news should stop reading this next part to them. I don’t know much about cooking but I do know this: The only thing that makes a pot of water boil slower than watching it, is a woman with thoughts floating around in her head while she watches it.
This Wonder Woman movie is supposed to be fiction.
Nobody questions the realism of a woman who can kick the asses of several hard-working men without messing up her hair. Or compel people to tell the truth. But something about this movie is…different.
Normally, when we have to endure the female superhero types, there is some tragic flaw that makes them more palatable. For example, despite her agility and 9 lives, we all know Catwoman is still a spinster with a lot of fetishes. Mystique can transform into other people (even men), but we never forget she’s a tortured blue creature with Daddy issues. I could go on, but you get it. While these chicks are cool enough to watch, nobody actually wants to BE them.
The DC Comics people went way off script with Wonder Woman. They not only picked a woman that’s absolutely doable, they made her the star of the show. I’m not going to drop spoilers, but men looked to HER for leadership several times. I’m not old fashioned, but she never once stopped playing with her sword to help clean up or cook a decent meal. I also have no problem with a woman that knows how to handle herself well in the bedroom. But we get the distinct impression this Wonder Woman character is willing to initiate, regardless of her man’s cues.
This is not real life.
Sure, Wonder Woman is a movie. But I’m concerned that this particular movie could lead to thoughts. Those thoughts could lead to actions. And those actions could threaten to undo all our hard work to restore women to their rightful place at our sides.
Most of you already know what I mean by a woman’s “rightful place.” Their place is helping us reach our goals, and taking care of the little stuff so we can be the providers and leaders again. Our President is trying to get us back on the right track here. He set an example for us to follow. However, he’s busy fending off baseless attacks, making America Great again, and celebrating his birthday. We have to pick up the slack. We have to educate our women. We have to ensure our daughters are not exposed to this kind of seditious behavior. We have to be… Men.
I don’t really know how to close out this post after that, so I’ll just leave you with this Shrek remix of Bonnie Tyler’s hit “I need a hero.”
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