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(almost) funny

(almost) funny, Lifestyle

Housewife humor truths and life hacks from a humble househusband

housewife humor truths

Like any challenging new job, househusbands get a grace period to learn survival skills and tricks of the trade. My grace period expired long ago. Even if we assume I have an incredibly generous boss (I do) and accept that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert, I can’t claim rookie status anymore. I shouldn’t have any difficulty reaching deadlines or finding creative solutions to routine problems. Based solely on the experience I’ve racked up, there should be talk of promotions, or at least Employee of the Month.

Instead, when my poor wife walks in the door after a busy day, she doesn’t see a home June Cleaver would be proud of.* She’s gotten good at hiding her disappointment with the piles of dirty dishes and unfolded laundry. And I’ve gotten good at pretending not to notice her disappointment. We both know how to play to our strengths.

The dishes are cleaned and the laundry folded. Eventually. But something is holding me back from achieving househusbanding greatness.

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(almost) funny, Bucket-Lister Pro-tips, Lifestyle, Travel

The Ultimate Foodie Guide to Venice

Foods of Venice

If Venice is on your travel bucket list and you like to eat, you’re in luck. Despite this tiny pedestrianized island’s dimensions (roughly the size of 2 Central Parks), restaurants, eateries, and fresh food markets are ubiquitous.

While you’re strolling colorful Fondamenta that border serene canals, grab a fresh strawberry or a Gelato. Hell, it’s a vacation. Get both. Not only will you burn off many of those calories while exploring the city on foot, more importantly, I quickly learned that the Venetians have a rule about not letting tourists go hungry.

Foods of Venice

Have you heard of the “Stick vs. Carrot” as a means of motivating the most stubborn of us to action? The Venetians have adopted a similar strategy, except it’s more of a “Strawberry vs. Gelato” thing. And I’m pretty sure the goal is to remind us to stop doing stuff all the time and enjoy the little moments.

 

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(almost) funny, Bucket-Lister Pro-tips, Hiking

7 tips GUARANTEED to make the most of your bear encounters

bear encounters funny wilderness survival hiking tips

I smelled them long before I saw them.

It wasn’t the flailing arms and hurried pace of a pair of day-hikers dressed in bright t-shirts and shorts rushing towards me that got my attention. It was their laundry detergent. Tide. Maybe Cheers. Either way, it was delicious enough to break the hypnotic spell that comes from hiking 20+ miles a day for more than two months.

“Hey!” the husband shouted. He was a little out of breath. “Hold up. There’s a mama bear and her baby cub back behind us.” The wife, also excited but a little triumphant, held up her cell phone. “I got pictures!”

Yup. I thought, Definitely Tide.

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(almost) funny, Sketches

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday- now with bonus words

The colors of Joy

Happy Hump Day y’all. You doing anything special to celebrate?

Some of you are stuck filing TPS reports; or studying for the GRE, LSAT, MCAT or whatever acronymated entrance exam you need to ace to get into grad school; the busiest of you are feeding, shuttling, counseling and cleaning a herd of crazed animals that happen to share your last name.

Then there’s us. Bleary-eyed from an all-nighter spent staring deeply into our laptops, hoping for a meaningful connection with our muse. PJ’s and teeth in need of serious scrubbing. We, we merry band of bloggers, we know how to usher in the mid-week festivities. Might I suggest a soothing after-breakfast nap to go with that morning breath? Go on… you’ve earned it.

But before you nod off, I had an epiphany a few weeks ago that I’m ready to share. Don’t worry, it’s not so exciting that it will make falling asleep any more difficult. And I’ll need a few sentences to setup, so you have plenty of warning before the big reveal.

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(almost) funny, Bucket-Lister Pro-tips

Living Abroad Tips: Overcoming language barriers

Bucket-Lister

I don’t know about you, but I got into the Bucket-Lister business for the perks. Trying new things, traveling the world, and immersing myself in cultures most tourists don’t have time for. The pay isn’t great, but you can’t beat these benefits.

And I was a natural. I avoided food poisoning from meals that roamed around on the table, filled a passport or three with colorful stamps, and maintained a respectable frequent-flyer status.

I even mastered the international Bucket-Lister language. Initially, communication was mostly an intricate series of hand and arm signals that would make any Air Traffic Controller proud. It wasn’t pretty, but I could get a taxi, directions to a restaurant (usually not the one I was hoping for), and a hotel room. However, fluency evaded me until I discovered the real Rosetta Stone. With this handy tool, I rarely had to resort to embarrassing peeks at Google Translate, or flail like a duckling trying to find its momma in order to get my message across.

What is the Bucket-Lister’s Rosetta Stone? Continue Reading…