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(almost) funny

(almost) funny, Tales from the Trail

Celebrate International Yoga Day AND Hike Naked Day #multitasking

June 21, 2017
Hike Naked Day

June 21 marks the first day of summer. Words like scorching, sweating, sweltering, and sunburn are part of our daily conversations. It’s time to get away, preferably someplace quiet and cool. Maybe a short hike through the woods to a secluded spot. You’re not picky, but a nearby waterfall spilling into a refreshing pool would be nice.   

 

If you’re heading outdoors to get away from the craziness and chaos and heat, you might be in for a surprise. June 21 is International Yoga Day AND Hike Naked Day.

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(almost) funny, Blogging

7777 SEO Tips sure to Supercharge your Site

June 8, 2017
funny SEO Tips for blogging beginners

Sorry about that.

Way too much alliteration and enthusiasm for a title, but apparently, words and energy are big turn-ons for search engines. And most of us bloggers know that we’ve gotta show a little skin if we want to snag the biggies like Google and Ask Jeeves.

Before we go any farther, I’m not one of the 10,700,000 Search Engine Optimization (SEO) experts waiting to share the secret to making your blog the #1 hit on search engines. I don’t have a degree in coding, I don’t offer a limited-time-only webinar guaranteed to skyrocket your blog traffic into the stratosphere. I don’t even have pop-ups. I’m just a guy with a few theories about how Order is achieved in the Internet.  

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, you’ll be happy to hear that I haven’t made up researched 7,777 tips designed to dazzle you with my brilliance. There will be no scrolling-related injuries on my watch. No Ma’am. This is a safe place.

However, I would like to share a few tested strategies that will get your latest and greatest in front of future fans. Some may even make blogging a fun experience again. (Remember when blogging was fun?)

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(almost) funny, Lifestyle

Housewife humor truths and life hacks from a humble househusband

May 31, 2017
housewife humor truths

Like any challenging new job, househusbands get a grace period to learn survival skills and tricks of the trade. My grace period expired long ago. Even if we assume I have an incredibly generous boss (I do) and accept that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert, I can’t claim rookie status anymore. I shouldn’t have any difficulty reaching deadlines or finding creative solutions to routine problems. Based solely on the experience I’ve racked up, there should be talk of promotions, or at least Employee of the Month.

Instead, when my poor wife walks in the door after a busy day, she doesn’t see a home June Cleaver would be proud of.* She’s gotten good at hiding her disappointment with the piles of dirty dishes and unfolded laundry. And I’ve gotten good at pretending not to notice her disappointment. We both know how to play to our strengths.

The dishes are cleaned and the laundry folded. Eventually. But something is holding me back from achieving househusbanding greatness.

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(almost) funny, Bucket-Lister Pro-tips, Lifestyle, Travel

The Ultimate Foodie Guide to Venice

May 18, 2017
Foods of Venice

If Venice is on your travel bucket list and you like to eat, you’re in luck. Despite this tiny pedestrianized island’s dimensions (roughly the size of 2 Central Parks), restaurants, eateries, and fresh food markets are ubiquitous.

While you’re strolling colorful Fondamenta that border serene canals, grab a fresh strawberry or a Gelato. Hell, it’s a vacation. Get both. Not only will you burn off many of those calories while exploring the city on foot, more importantly, I quickly learned that the Venetians have a rule about not letting tourists go hungry.

Foods of Venice

Have you heard of the “Stick vs. Carrot” as a means of motivating the most stubborn of us to action? The Venetians have adopted a similar strategy, except it’s more of a “Strawberry vs. Gelato” thing. And I’m pretty sure the goal is to remind us to stop doing stuff all the time and enjoy the little moments.

 

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(almost) funny, Bucket-Lister Pro-tips, Tales from the Trail

7 tips GUARANTEED to make the most of your bear encounters

March 19, 2017
bear encounters funny wilderness survival hiking tips

I smelled them long before I saw them.

It wasn’t the flailing arms and hurried pace of a pair of day-hikers dressed in bright t-shirts and shorts rushing towards me that got my attention. It was their laundry detergent. Tide. Maybe Cheers. Either way, it was delicious enough to break the hypnotic spell that comes from hiking 20+ miles a day for more than two months.

“Hey!” the husband shouted. He was a little out of breath. “Hold up. There’s a mama bear and her baby cub back behind us.” The wife, also excited but a little triumphant, held up her cell phone. “I got pictures!”

Yup. I thought, Definitely Tide.

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